They say a lot can happen in a year and, well, I reckon they are pretty bang on! For anyone who follows me on Instagram, or here on the blog, will know that this time last year, I was about to enter the hardest six months I’d had in a very long time. We were breaking up.
Whilst it was such a difficult period, it was one of growth and change. Anyone who has been in the midst of heartbreak will know that when you’re in it, it’s hell and despite hearing the constant “everything happens for a reason”, no matter how hard you look for that reason, you can’t find it. But in between the tears, the questions, the second guessing and sleepless nights, I found time to really look inward, without influence, for the first time in a decade.
Despite everything falling apart around me, I managed to find my own home and get myself set up with all the adult stuff – washing machine, fridge freezer, waffle maker (you know, all the essentials), and live on my own for the first time in my 36 years. This in itself was a huge turning point for me, and allowed me to see what I could actually achieve if I put my mind to it. When you’re in a long term relationship, it’s very easy to forget how much you’re capable of on your own. I could put those pictures up, I could mow the lawn and I could even remember to put the right bin out on the right day.
Spending time with me, myself and I was daunting at first. The house seemed so quiet… the silence was deafening. The time alone forced me to face my feelings head on and start to think about what I really wanted from my future. As treacherous as the journey of self discovery felt to start with, I’m so grateful I sat in those uncomfortable moments and asked myself some of the toughest questions.
I had always had an ingrained list of what I thought I wanted from life and it wasn’t until I forced myself to be honest, that I realised some of those things weren’t really what I wanted, but what I thought I “should” want. And some of those things had been huge barriers in the relationship I’d just left behind.
And so, mainly thanks to the shared custody of our beloved pooch, I was still very close to my ex, and whilst I was soul searching, turns out so was he and we realised that the one thing both of us couldn’t do life without was each other.
What time had given us was the ability to appreciate just what we had, the mistakes we had made, and how we could secure the best future for each other. We knew what we needed to do, but more importantly we wanted to do it.
And with the hands of fate playing their part, we ended up moving back in together in January and we’ve not looked back since. In fact, he liked it so much that in May, he put a ring on it!
What a difference a year makes indeed.
and she said 